The greatest modern revolution of mankind is also our greatest modern panem et circenses. The privacy that we garnered through property rights is slowly being eroded to Middle Age levels. Your life is only a Bing search away and many foolishly allow themselves to be tracked.

Cell-phone tracking is becoming obsolete due to Social Media.

The internet has given everyone the tools to become a private investigator. Use this development to your advantage. For the most part alpha-dogs have no need for the internet. Too busy living life. I personally only use it for research purposes and allowing others to stay in touch with me. Do the same.

For many modern boys the internet has become a crutch used to get in touch with girls. Boys instead of learning how to talk to girls face to face hide behind a pale enriching glow of monitors as they type witty responses to the dull conversations that tend to denote average internet chats. Keyboard jockeys. How many a boy finds his head tilted downwards when talking to a girl without the protective touch of the keyboard.

You must avoid this at all costs. I personally use Facebook chat and AIM as a way for people to get in touch with me. Many a time I leave it on and go out into the world. Theodore Roosevelt. When I do use it to talk to people I never allow it to replace face to face interactions.

I have never come to rely on it as a primary tool to interact with girls whom I am interested in. Never allow yourself to become faceless text in the eyes of a girl.

Never use emoticons or internet speak. Treat emoticons as a debilitating disease on par with a goofy grin when talking to an attractive girl. You are a man. Girls use emoticons because they believe it is the internet equivalent of playing coy. You should not be wearing skirts. Scots not excluded.

When interacting on the internet use proper spelling and finish sentences with periods. Your time is money. You do not waste time and frolic. There should be goals that need accomplishing. Build empires.

Fun Fact: When a girl responds with a “ha” she’s not amused. “haha” is her being awkward. Three “ha”’s or more means she actually enjoyed what you said. End Fun Fact.

Keep your internet presence down to a minimum. There is nothing worse than a lack of mystery. If there are no questions about you in the minds of people that search for you in the abyss, you are doing something wrong.

Best case scenario: Your name brings 0 results on Bing.

I have a LinkedIn for “professional reasons.” I keep my Facebook sparse and my friend list filled with possible contacts or people I wish to keep in touch. I clean it out once a trimester.

Do not advertise your movements. This is the greatest folly that has besieged our generation. With mobile Facebook status updates and FourSquare, electronic GPS bugs have become obsolete for the majority of the population.

I will not understand why people will constantly update with what they are doing. They believe that people will see where they are and attempt to run into them. Pathetic dreamers. Jimmy Carter status.

In the paraphrased words of my boy Casanova: No one cares.

FourSquare should not be in your vernacular. Why advertise to the world where you find yourself. Nothing is more annoying than people coming out of the woodwork hoping you can help them cut lines into clubs or beg you to bring them to events. Avoid the headache.

Facebook can be tolerable. It allows girls to get in touch with you in an easier manner. This is because there are no bigger creepers in the world than the Western girl. Keep your Facebook sparse. I once made the mistake of putting the type of cookies I enjoy on my Facebook. A girl baked them and used it as an excuse to “drop them off.” Never again.

Twitter should not be overused. I use Twitter to allow you dear readers to be satiated in-between posts. Humanitarianism. I also use it to follow the Bawse (Rick Ross to the uninitiated). If it was in my power, I would allow Twitter to become a tool used by only famous people. Even they would need to prove that their lives were worthy of inspiration. Twitter should be used as a societal tool to inspire the dull into living grander lives. Mundane posts should be slaughtered.

Use the internet sparingly. People should be unable to name your hobbies, interests, political affiliations, or movements.

More importantly limit yourself to two hours per day in the off hours or when you are sick and have finished your library.

There are stories to make. Let others write of your exploits.

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