There was a question posted on The Attraction Forums about if any of our instructors are/were nerds. I’ve decided to write a post to clarify how a self thought “nerd” can use his quirkiness to his advantage. First, to answer the original question…

Are There Any Instructors Who Are Nerds?

Depends what you consider a nerd, I guess. Almost all of the jock instructors are into Internet business so they spend all day coding and typing. I pretty much fall into this category too sitting at a computer all day. Other guys have been drama and writing geeks their whole lives. There are, however, a couple with straight-up ballin’ amazing jobs who don’t fall into the classic nerd cliche. They are uber smart though.

Within our team, pretty much all of us are striving to hit ultimate goals of sky-high success in our fields, so if that means sitting at a computer to make millions then so be it. Nothing nerdy about that.

I will say that if you sit home playing video games on Friday and Saturday nights with your buddies you are all nerds and you have to get out of the house. None of our instructors are doing that. You may not truly be a nerd, but you’re doing nerdy things and that creeps into your psyche, stories and lifestyle.

Inner Game of Thinking You’re a Nerd

First things first, redefine the meaning you attach to what you do. If you think that being the best at Dungeons and Dragons makes you a nerd then you will act as such. Just as the stereotypical muscle dummy isn’t any cooler because he lifts weights, you’re no less cool because you work with numbers all day.

As I alluded to above, you are not what you do. For example, I was a varsity athlete and a poetry major at the same time. My ability to debate Chaucer with the hippies wasn’t any lessened or heightened because I had just showered at the rink and packed a dip in my lowered lip. Likewise, in the locker room my teammates envied how I didn’t have huge lab assignment or projects being in poetry class and how the girl to guy ratio was sometimes 10 : 1. Did I pick up “hippie chicks” at poetry readings? Yes. Did I “wheel” “broads” with the boys and invite them to my games? Yes. It’s all how you embrace it.

Before pickup it wasn’t like that. I tried to show the team that I was some kind of intellectual guy, so they rode the shit out of me over it. (I don’t blame them.) I always was the beta guy because I tried to gain attention from my smarts, and when you do that you come off needy and approval seeking. In the literature circles I tried to downplay that I was a jock, so that group always became suspicious and I couldn’t fully crack it.

You are you, not the things you do… “You’re not your fuckin’ khakis!”

How to Use Being a Nerd to Your Advantage

From a technical standpoint, you could be a jock, baller, nerd, whatever, it doesn’t really matter in those first five minutes of interaction. She doesn’t care who you really are, not yet. All you’re trying to do is show that you’re fun, don’t take things to seriously and spike some emotion and create intrigue. If you’re diving into intense topics right off the bat you’re swinging your comfort bat too early or perhaps trying to prove something.

What you want to do is get her attracted, show some value, qualify, and once you’re through that you can bring out your nerd bat. You have to show her why you like the nerd things you do, how it makes you feel and what drives you to do them. There is nothing wrong with being a computer programmer–to use a cliche–if your goal is to build your second generation of apps that help people locate stuff.

In other words, it’s how you present it. Do you say, “Oh, I’m just a programmer. I sit at a computer all day,” or do you say, “I’m the kind of person who likes to help people. Obviously you’re on Facebook, right?… K, well I’ve created a site like that for people who are into XYZ. It’s pretty cool because it will bring the best XYZers from around the world together. I’ve been building it for a year now and we’re getting ready to launch. It’s great because when it takes off I know I could be the Mark Zuckerberg of the XYZ community.”

It’s the fact that you’re striving for something, like what you do and are in control of it that attracts her. She knows you are a cool, funny guy from all the funny stuff you built in attraction (and will continue to build), now she wants to see that there is a real guy there. Saying the above in the right way with the right emotion creates resonance. Your quirks become cool.

A Last Caveat

If you’re doing “nerdy” stuff and sitting at a computer instead of talking to girls, yes, that one time per month you go out you will come off as a nerd. All you’ll be able to talk about is how you played X-Box all day with a bunch of guys online who play X-Box all day. It’s the same as going out six nights per week and having nothing to talk about except partying. Balance is key.

Ideally, you’ll want to keep the nerdy stuff that helps you and that you enjoy doing, and dump the stuff that is holding you back. Change the khakis that fit too tightly.

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